The Piano..

Each resonating key sounds with a firm yet solitary vibration upon the plucked strings as they ring each simple and beautiful note. A sad song, full of meaning and beauty, emerges from the strange abyss we call music, filling the air with a silence so loud it screams in your ears to listen for the ever so heavy weight known as gravity placing itself delicately upon the shoulders of a woman not strong enough to hold up her own head. With every sad note, every firm pluck, and every resonate sound, the strings of her body pick themselves away until the muscles of her heart swell and contract as she holds her breath and tries to remember why?
A questioning of her own existence lingers over her in the sort of way a note stays in a room when the last key is pressed, echoing the question of her own meaning. Is this what it feels like to live? To love? If so, take her away.
A gift she cannot receive, much like the ever taunting tune passing through her mind in a maddening sway, lies upon her feet and she stares down at it, tears swelling in her dry eyes, a drip of water sliding down a face which has not felt the sweet embrace of death as an old friend, but a cold and aching crunch defining her meaning and existence into a circle of doubt and loathsome cries, not one or two, but three kinds of pain living in her own head, screaming at her to find some sort of way. Some sort of way. To what?
A question she cannot answer, a song she cannot finish as her fingers falter and the song of her soul becomes a part of the instrument she gives her life, her meaning to. A swell begins in her throat as an old, familiar ache forms in her abdomen, bringing her to her knees. Each pound of the beating drum she calls her heart slam harder and harder into her chest as the child within screams for help, begging to be let free. The bear they clutch so desperately to has become one with the notes, fading away in a swift whisper of air passing through the fingertips of what she has known as life.
Her song is done, she can finally sleep.
But she can't.
...why? 

RR

New Beginnings

As the end of semester nears for me and I have but a few days left with all my friends, I have but one thought. Well... a few thoughts. But one that bogs down my mind on a daily basis: I will miss my friends. I will miss them. I'll miss their smiles and their welcoming arms, their talk of classes and even the ever so annoying singing after coming back from dinner every night, even though we all know we love it to death. Why, some may ask, am I saying these things?
Well, it is because I am not returning to my school in the spring semester.
See, my school I go to is one very very VERY expensive school. It is going to put me in debt for a long time... And it is not by an unthought choice that I had to leave. It is because I need to take a time off to better myself. To see if going to college is even what I am supposed to be doing. Right now, I don't believe that it is.
I believe with every open door, there is an opportunity. An opportunity to do something great with your life, whether it be something small, or something very large. And I also believe that with every closed door, is another opportunity to find another way to live, because something may have gone wrong the first time through.
God has something great in store for me. I know it. I can tell. But I need to find what he has in store for me, because I know that if I just sit back and try to let things flow my way, it will get me no where.
These next few months are going to be some of the hardest ones I can imagine. Not only because I will be forced into the real working world, but also because I will be faced with hardships with reality, relationships, and knowing that I will have to face my family with the looming thought that maybe, just maybe, college isn't for me and that I am not wasting my life.
I am doing the best that I can. I am doing what I feel is best for me, and whether they like it or not, it is my body, my mind, and my life that I am dealing with at the end of the day.
I just hope beyond hope my family will understand, and support me.
Don't sit around and let life waste away.
Do something with it.
Fall in love.
Get a job.
Do something great.

With much love,
RR